Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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