yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
