I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
