At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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