wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
