Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
