i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
