Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
