Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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