Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
