no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
