He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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