You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Houston, we have a squirter
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
