so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
