the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
