I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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