Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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