He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
