no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
