I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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