1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
