Need sex. Gaining weight.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
