Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Randomize
