This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
