please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
