Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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