btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
