You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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