I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
