Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
