gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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