please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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