What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
