haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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