The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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