Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
