so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
