If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
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