just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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