Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
