This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
