a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
