sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
