Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
