Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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