I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
