I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
