Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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