Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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