called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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