You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
