I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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