i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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