i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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