tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
