Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
