Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
