Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
