it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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